Confused

By Ben Fetterman

Why am I like this.
One second sure of what I want to do
With my degree,
My life,
My future.
Then one small variable changes,
And suddenly I’m in a tailspin.
Losing all sense of direction,
Purpose,
Control.
Just gone.
And if only it just applied
To my professional side.
But no,
I have the same issue
On the personal side
As well.
One day set
On who I fancy.
The next day,
For no discernible reason,
Lost in the flurry
Of possible suitees.
I envy the person
Who sets their mind,
And unwaveringly pursues that.
Or even those who can just push it aside,
To be thought about,
And worried about,
Another day.
But instead
Here I am.
Constantly thinking,
Wondering ceaselessly,
About where God’s calling me.
Always, it seems,
Confused.